Now I can just brush it off when people give me that, “OH MY GOD WTF YOU’RE CRAZY AND MUST HAVE DADDY ISSUES LOOK” when I tell them how old my boyfriend is. She asked for his full name (how can you refuse to tell someone’s name when asked point blank?), Googled him when I left, saw his age, and started FLIPPING out. It was a very messy week, but I eventually pretended to break up with him to get her off my back (even though she knew I didn’t and I knew that she knew, somehow it was easier for us both to pretend). About another five or six months went by, until I got rear ended right by his house and had to come clean again. She was still extremely disapproving, but at least this time she was accepting. I told my dad as well (not sure if it’s only your mom that you’re worried about? My dad actually took it better than anyone).
It’s okay to be personally uncomfortable with certain kinds of relationships, but that doesn’t mean everyone else should have to conform their dating preferences around what makes you comfortable. But the rule does not map perfectly onto actual reports of what is socially acceptable. At times it is too stringent, but most often it appears too lenient, condoning age pairings with which most people are not comfortable.
Take time for yourself.
Refusing to engage with him will only propel her further into his orbit and dissipate any leavening influence you might have. There’s nothing more compelling in youth than a choice your parents disapprove of. Most epic romances begin with intractable families forcing lovers into each other’s arms.
Your 20-something boyfriend lives on Seamless; your 30-something boyfriend loves to cook.
If you are financially independent, you really don’t need their approval . If they still support you, you need to respect whatever rules they might have. You’re old enough that hopefully you’ll be on your own soon and you can do whatever you want. Also typically, not always but typically when older men are attracted to younger women like that it’s usually because the wife is to old and doesn’t fit in his midlife crisis. Or they want to get as close to being with a child as legally possible. There is an experience and maturity gap, but I also find there can be some infantiliation going on.
As anyone who’s been in a relationship with someone who lacks them can attest, self-sufficiency and confidence are awesome qualities in a match. As you can see, men tend to focus on the youngest women in their already skewed preference pool, and, what’s more, they spend a significant amount of energy pursuing women even younger than their stated minimum. No matter what he’s telling himself on his setting page, a 30 year-old man spends as much time messaging 18 and 19 year-olds as he does women his own age. On the other hand, women only a few years older are largely neglected. As it is, men between 22 and 30 — nearly two-thirds of the male dating pool — focus almost exclusively on women younger than themselves.
Your 20-something boyfriend’s biggest concern has to do with tomorrow; your 30-something boyfriend is all about a 10-year plan.
But it’s merely a suggestion within my post about how things can go totally crazy it one is not cautious. If my original post had only been to see hard candy then yeah obviously id be totally out of the ball park crazy biased and an idiot for thinking automatically get bf must be a killer (I’m not trying to say that at all). Best of luck figuring out what you want in life, and facing your parents with the boyfriend. I hope that your story turns out better than Moonflowers’ sister. Be cautious, but remember, everyone in the world is different, and things that work for one relationship may not work for a different couple.
The internet is beautiful, because people are able to craft their responses, be careful and sometimes going with rationality is more important than the heart. I am aware that i need to be v cautious, but cannot stop wondering if it IS simply weird for successful guy to be interested in a young, nïave girl, or if I should go with my heart and not care what people think. He is well educated and travelled, has a well-paid job in finance, and is witty and funny. I am contemplating travelling from Plymouth to London to meet him, but would have to do so w/o family knowing as they would disapprove. A man in his 30s is more open to clear and honest communication than ever before. Whether it’s discussing your thoughts on marriage, having a family or what you would prefer he do in the bedroom, he wants to know it all.
Having seen what happened to my sister, I think parents are justified in being a little overprotective at first in situations like this. At 19, What seems to you like a mature, confident man to you will look completely different to your parents, people who have more life experience than you do. I admit that I have issues with the older man/younger woman scenario but that’s because I’ve have to deal with more men than a 19 year old girl and I lost my rose colored glasses along the way. My parents did NOT like my bf when they first met him (he has gauges & tattoos & they’re really conservative). I could’ve waited longer to tell them, but that would’ve just ended in the same result. I wanted them to meet him & get to know him so they could see how great he really is.
So if you are following the half-your-age-plus-7 rule, know that it may not be perfect or truly mirror age-related preference. You might also take care to refer to the maximum age judiciously—the minimum age guideline seems to be more on target . Ignore all the people that judge or jump to conclusions about how little you know based on “life experience”. Love comes in a lot of different packages and one of the last things I look at when it comes to compatibility is how old the guy is.
When you’re dating in your 30s, you and your significant other should be able to talk to each other openly and honestly. If you’re not communicating early on in the relationship, that will probably continue as things move forward. “In many ways, dating becomes more efficient in your 30s because you know what to optimize for,” says Gray. Use this to your advantage by Salams nipping any dead-end relationships in the bud. “Ultimately, we love to grasp for a sense of control in life, but we actually control very little,” says Gray. “We can always do our best to put forth intentional action, but sometimes the thing we are trying to grasp for is being held out of our reach because something better is already heading our way,” he continues.
In any event, you’re basing your life on a 19th Century French aphorism about the ideal age for a bride which changed to its present form only about years ago. If you want to live your life on horseshit “rules” then that’s your choice… People frown on gay/lesbian/transsexual relationships, older women dating younger men , black dating white, BDSM etc. What other people do consensually is none of your business. Curious outsiders are quick to judge when they can see a wide age gap between two romantic partners.